Article by Dr. Ng Wai Sheng
Image: Ancient Roman relief carving of a midwife attending a woman giving birth (from Wellcome Images)
So much of what we do as psychotherapists is about helping people to push through…dark places, bottlenecks, stuck points, and muddy or sticky areas. In effect, we are really “midwives” facilitating a new birth process in a person, a couple, and/or a family!
Often, we are asked to witness a battle between life and death, where there is much pain, fears and hopes to endure… It may be an individual holding on to his/her life… or a couple at the brink of divorce… or a family struggling to heal after multiple trauma and losses….
In the process, we are challenged to attend to our own experience of re-birthing! If we are afraid of the bloody and messy process of birthing, how do we then assist others to stay present and attend to their bloody and messy birthing process?
We don’t have to go very far to experience growth. Just spend a little time with yourself to examine the places in your heart where it hurts the most… Often, that’s the invitation for more growth!
And in order to reach for more growth, usually we have to push through some extremely uncomfortable areas, which almost always make such a big fuss that we just feel like stepping on the brake, forget about growth or life, say the hell with change, and just go back to sleep or our comfy habits.
Suppose some of us decide to push through, maybe just a little bit more, that’s when you and I will need a good “midwife” (perhaps a therapist, supervisor, mentor or friend), who can help us stay in the painful labour process, and work with our whole being to bring out the new life within us.
That’s when tears are turned into laughter, and all pain and suffering are made worthwhile. There is no other way NOT to grow. We either give birth to a new self, or we die stunted.
“Being present will break your heart, but it is only a broken heart that has the capacity for compassion and forgiveness. The gift of a heart broken open with wisdom, compassion, and forgiveness may be the best gift you can give or receive in any season.” ~ Rabbi Rami Shapiro
