Have you ever fallen in love and felt so entangled that you cannot stop yourself from loving the person? If so, surely you know the torment of going back and forth between choosing to let go or hold on. In every stages of life, how do we decide when to hold on and when to let go of the very thing that seems most important to us at the time?
No one likes feeling anxious. Yet, anxiety is a great teacher, if we allow it to be. Here are 3 lessons I’m learning from my own anxiety: how to own it, use it and transform it.
Relational silence is a very active process of communication. It involves implicit understanding and explicit action between two (or more) parties on what can and cannot be talked about. Usually, what can be talked about is not so important. What is hard to talk or cannot be talked about is probably more important.
When we are conflict avoidant, we fear losing the relationship or hurting the person we care about. But when emotional distress cannot be outwardly expressed, it can become trapped inside the body and manifest as psychosomatic symptoms. Truth is, until and unless we feel secure enough in our relationship, it’s really much easier to focus on the physical pain and illness, than to sit and talk about what’s not working in the relationship and what you and I need from each other.
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard
When we are afraid of our future, let us RE-MEMBER our own history: what brought you to where you are today? Can you TRUST the Goodness of Life to take you safely through the next phase in your life, and come out a better version of yourself?
All relationships are growing space. Most of us like the idea of growing. But part of growing, is dying. Now this is the part that we have problem with.
The human heart is complex and not always predictable. In interpersonal relationships, we can switch roles between the one who betrays and the one being betrayed. Often, only after something has gone wrong, we begin to realize that we have unknowingly become the person we most despise.
Mothers are garlic! Garlic is good for the immune system, but too much of it overpowers the dish. We cannot choose our mothers. But we can choose how we respond to the mother imprints within ourselves.
How to hold on to love is probably as important as giving love, if not more important. If you keep giving away love without holding on to love, you risk burning out quickly…
According to Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory, every person has multiplicity of internal parts that are often in conflict with one another. Schwartz’s ideas inspires me to rethink about Attachment theory. What we call “insecure” attachment patterns may actually be functional and protective for the needs of a vulnerable child who had been wounded.