No one likes feeling anxious. Yet, anxiety is a great teacher, if we allow it to be. Here are 3 lessons I’m learning from my own anxiety: how to own it, use it and transform it.
内在小孩与防卫系统：两者之间的关联
“内在小孩”以及“防卫系统”是两门很玄的课题，因为即看不到也摸不着。即便有一些传统心理学理论（如弗洛伊德的心理分析，或伯恩的人际沟通分析学）的支撑，但缺乏科学研究的论证。比起现代主流心理学（如认知行为学）比较具体的理论，内在小孩及防卫系统更倾向于描述抽象的潜意识经验以及过程。因此，笔者尝试以本身的经历与读者们探讨所谓的“内在小孩”与“防卫系统”，以及它倆之间的关联。愿与读者们在自我认识、成长的旅程中共勉之。
The Use of Relational Silence
Relational silence is a very active process of communication. It involves implicit understanding and explicit action between two (or more) parties on what can and cannot be talked about. Usually, what can be talked about is not so important. What is hard to talk or cannot be talked about is probably more important.
Fear of Losing and Hurting
When we are conflict avoidant, we fear losing the relationship or hurting the person we care about. But when emotional distress cannot be outwardly expressed, it can become trapped inside the body and manifest as psychosomatic symptoms. Truth is, until and unless we feel secure enough in our relationship, it’s really much easier to focus on the physical pain and illness, than to sit and talk about what’s not working in the relationship and what you and I need from each other.
Moving Backward to Move Forward
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard
When we are afraid of our future, let us RE-MEMBER our own history: what brought you to where you are today? Can you TRUST the Goodness of Life to take you safely through the next phase in your life, and come out a better version of yourself?
Growing Space vs. Dying Space
All relationships are growing space. Most of us like the idea of growing. But part of growing, is dying. Now this is the part that we have problem with.
Treachery in Humanity
The human heart is complex and not always predictable. In interpersonal relationships, we can switch roles between the one who betrays and the one being betrayed. Often, only after something has gone wrong, we begin to realize that we have unknowingly become the person we most despise.
My Mother – The Garlic of My Life
Mothers are garlic! Garlic is good for the immune system, but too much of it overpowers the dish. We cannot choose our mothers. But we can choose how we respond to the mother imprints within ourselves.
Being a Recipient of Love
How to hold on to love is probably as important as giving love, if not more important. If you keep giving away love without holding on to love, you risk burning out quickly…
Rethinking Attachment Theory through the Lens of Internal Family Systems
According to Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory, every person has multiplicity of internal parts that are often in conflict with one another. Schwartz’s ideas inspires me to rethink about Attachment theory. What we call “insecure” attachment patterns may actually be functional and protective for the needs of a vulnerable child who had been wounded.