Anger is normal. We feel angry when we feel wronged or harmed by others, or witness others being harmed or unjustly treated. Anger typically triggers fear and helplessness, in those who experience it and to those who witness it. Hence, people turn on fight or flight mode, to defend against anger, until they can no longer hold back and it explodes! Whilst anger can really hurt, it is often a secondary emotion. What underlies anger is usually fear. And the true antidote for fear is love.
After watching the newly released documentary “M for Malaysia”, the writer reflects on her experience of her country’s development in the last 16 months, since General Election 2018. Even as the new government is still learning to work together, the leadership of this country has shown what’s possible in a seemingly impossible situation… that is, to hold tension with care.
初衷就像是一颗种子，撒在我们内心深处，在黑暗中等待着天时、地利、人和，藉着它所需要的养分，逐渐发芽、茁壮成长、发展成形，直至完成这颗种子与生俱来的潜能及使命，在生命的交叠循环里，作出它的贡献。关键是：我们要如何认知自己的初衷，才不会枉费此生呢？
Have you ever fallen in love and felt so entangled that you cannot stop yourself from loving the person? If so, surely you know the torment of going back and forth between choosing to let go or hold on. In every stages of life, how do we decide when to hold on and when to let go of the very thing that seems most important to us at the time?
No one likes feeling anxious. Yet, anxiety is a great teacher, if we allow it to be. Here are 3 lessons I’m learning from my own anxiety: how to own it, use it and transform it.
“内在小孩”以及“防卫系统”是两门很玄的课题，因为即看不到也摸不着。即便有一些传统心理学理论（如弗洛伊德的心理分析，或伯恩的人际沟通分析学）的支撑，但缺乏科学研究的论证。比起现代主流心理学（如认知行为学）比较具体的理论，内在小孩及防卫系统更倾向于描述抽象的潜意识经验以及过程。因此，笔者尝试以本身的经历与读者们探讨所谓的“内在小孩”与“防卫系统”，以及它倆之间的关联。愿与读者们在自我认识、成长的旅程中共勉之。
Relational silence is a very active process of communication. It involves implicit understanding and explicit action between two (or more) parties on what can and cannot be talked about. Usually, what can be talked about is not so important. What is hard to talk or cannot be talked about is probably more important.
When we are conflict avoidant, we fear losing the relationship or hurting the person we care about. But when emotional distress cannot be outwardly expressed, it can become trapped inside the body and manifest as psychosomatic symptoms. Truth is, until and unless we feel secure enough in our relationship, it’s really much easier to focus on the physical pain and illness, than to sit and talk about what’s not working in the relationship and what you and I need from each other.
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard
When we are afraid of our future, let us RE-MEMBER our own history: what brought you to where you are today? Can you TRUST the Goodness of Life to take you safely through the next phase in your life, and come out a better version of yourself?
All relationships are growing space. Most of us like the idea of growing. But part of growing, is dying. Now this is the part that we have problem with.